Dear Cornerstone Family,
After last week’s sermon on marriage, divorce, and remarriage, a parent asked me for advice on speaking about sexuality with their children. I was glad to get the question! In our day, parents can’t afford to be silent on subject of sexuality. Moreover, God has entrusted parents with the responsibility to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). This includes training them in the Bible’s teaching on sexual faithfulness.
But how do we address the subject without looking like a fool? Below are four practical suggestions:
1. Plan the Talk
Settle your nerves by planning what you’re going to say. Then, spend time praying over what you planned. Jot down a few notes to keep yourself on track. The more you can prepare your heart and words, the more you’ll reduce awkwardness and stress, and the higher the likelihood you will communicate clearly, lovingly, and effectively.
2. Be Natural, Inquisitive, and Intentional
Avoid a “family meeting” communication style. Instead, just be yourself and use your regular family worship time or some planned down time. Begin by asking basic biblical questions about relationships, love, and marriage. As the conversation progresses, steer the dialogue to the matters of sexuality focusing on God’s design for men, women, and marriage.
3. Start Young and Keep the Conversation Going
Begin as early as possible. Four, five, and six-year-olds are very observant. They pick up far more than we realize. When kids are young, talk in general ways about gender, love, marriage, and family. As your child progresses through grammar school, discuss the realities of sexuality, homosexuality, and transgenderism with faithful frankness. As they grow, commit to engaging them regularly about sexuality, getting more specific. Welcome their questions! Be God’s instrument and trust the Lord to confirm the truth to their hearts as they mature.
4. Be Biblical
Let Scripture do the talking. In case you need help, here’s a simple outline you could follow:
Begin by talking about the creation account in Genesis 1-2 and how God created us male and female, and in His image. Emphasize that gender, marriage, and the unique roles of men and women were all a part of God’s good and wise design from the beginning.
Discuss the fall in Genesis 3 and how everything that God created good—even marriage and sexuality—has been affected by the fall. Use a Bible story like Noah’s infidelity or King David’s adultery to help illustrate this. As appropriate, name specifically how the world has twisted the definition of marriage and gender. Be clear about how homosexuality is a sin and not in keeping with God’s good design. Turn to Genesis 19:1-13, Romans 1:26-27 or 1 Corinthians 6:9 to show the clarity and consistency of God’s Word on the subject.
Then discuss how God is presently at work redeeming and restoring the world, including marriage and sexuality, through the power of the gospel. Show from Ephesians 5:16-33 how God uses the love between a man and a woman in marriage as one of the primary ways He illustrates His love for the church!
When age appropriate, prepare your children for the inevitable struggles they will face sexually. Let them know that sexual sin is something we all face in varying ways and degrees. This is why we must be faithful in confessing our sin and repenting of it. As appropriate, let them know you’re still learning how to seek God’s grace for forgiveness and new obedience in the area of sexuality.
Close with Revelation 21 and the confident hope we have that no matter how twisted marriage and sexuality becomes in our time, in the day of Jesus Christ’s return we will be free of sexual sin and perfected in holiness as a beautiful Bride ready for her Bridegroom, the Lord Jesus Christ.
I hope these simple suggestions strengthen you in knowledge and courage as you strive to raise children who will love, cherish, and follow the truth of God’s Word for marriage and sexuality.
Your servant,
